Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
