Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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