Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
