How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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