my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
