i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
