My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
