I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
