my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I made him laugh his dick is mine
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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