I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
