I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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