I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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