i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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