As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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