I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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