You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
