I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
