You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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