You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
as a side note pls kill me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
