It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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