Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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