I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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