Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
