You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
