I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
