She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
