I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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