What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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