so explain again why im purple
no
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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