It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
