'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize