remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
