If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
