i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
