What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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