weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
