is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
