There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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