dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
