your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
