i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
