well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
