That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She's the barista slut.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can I color on your dick again?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
