someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
