Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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