It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
