How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
