I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
