Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
