I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
