When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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