I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
