As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Porn is love you can see.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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