Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
