I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
