ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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