I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
