did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
