just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
