you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Less talking, more tequila
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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