I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
