Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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