I CAN MOONWALK!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
