I'm going to jail i love you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
