The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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