You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize