The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
