You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
