I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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