Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
