I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
