god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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