So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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